Where it is creepy enough to live each day.
A friend of mine once asked if I ever did get so angry as in “to the core of my whole being” angry kinda thing. Hmmmnnn…makes me scan my brain for anything that I’ve been so angry about a few years back, then after thinking of so many situations from elementary days up to now…finally the answer is NO!
This is where I start to justify my NO.
Not that it is a bad thing but I just gotta know why the heck I am so not normal about. “NO” this time is preferably the best thing because I’ve never reach that boiling point somehow. But because I am who I am, I will not stop thinking why?Why don’t I reach that boiling point of anger? Why do other people could reach that boiling point? Are they not normal or it is me who’s not normal? Is it because of the different situations?Probably yes, but we choose what to react in any circumstances so what is in my nerves that I can maintain humidity and hold the fire burning in my mouth. I would just want to somehow help if I can offer one.
To the instinctly human that I am, I would like to be a normal human being. To act and feel as a normal human being I am supposed to be that is why I began questioning every cell in my human body to why they don’t react to the same level of anger. And to my conclusion, the very reason I don’t get too high with anger is because I choose to walk away instead. I can quickly dismissed the thought of being so mad about. I am always cautiously re-evaluating my day and think over my actions and reactions because I’ll make it better tomorrow. Mostly, I avoid confrontations. I would rather dealt my own demons that burst it out to your face because I might do something I’ll regret later. Surely, to some people they would not prefer it this way but maybe I just don’t want to keep the hate. It wont buy me food. I can still learn a thing or two and clearly admit that some walking away brings contentment and some painful and regretful. Well I choose the path to head on and this is more bearable for me. I am not saying I am right and just but this is how I can cope up. How I can best handle myself and my problems.
At some point in the future I might reach some breaking point but I hope and pray to be better and stronger to hold unto some solid ground to be able to survive and still hold some pieces of myself to rise up.