As I feel so unfortunate of all the things I have I came into a conversation with the manicurist. As she cleans my hand she asks me what do I do for a leaving. I said, I work in an accounting office of a logistics company then I laugh. So she thought I was just bluffing her. Then I said..seriously! I work in an accounting office I just laugh because if she may ask again the next question it would be my bachelor’s degree then it is not aligned. So the thought of me in an accounting office is like really funny. Then as our conversation goes, she said she’s looking for a job. On the other hand, I am also looking for another job I told her. She ask now why? I said I feel under paid. When I told her my salary braket, she said “good for you your earing that much” (when I dont feel I earn that much though) and then added “some people don’t even have work”. Even she herself is not satisfied with her pay so she thinks I am fortunate enough compared to her and other people who can’t find a job.
Maybe this is the turning point of deciding which road I should take. The manucurist has a point. I should feel fortunate enough but why do I feel so unfortunate despite all the things I have. Maybe its because I compare myself to my previous colleagues and current colleagues. Maybe because I always have basis. Maybe because I gave my too damn best in everything I do yet I still dont get my expected returns. Maybe because I set the highest standards of how I do things. Maybe because I always calculate the value adding things to the amount of compensation I receive. When an employer gave me more than what I expect, then my employer can expect a lot more value adding stretch I have to do. Because I always make sure I can justify my pay to the amount of work I do.
Like the manicurist, everyone would like to move when they feel unsatisfied enough. When they feel under valued at some poit. But some of us do not really know what to do and how exactly we can do it. So, we delay our plans. We get stock in our old boring days for the rest of our life. One day, we will wake up so much tired of the work we do because we don’t enjoy it enough to fuel our soul. It might have fueled our pockets but for limited time only. Eventually, if we think of money all the time we will all feel tired of having to work for money our entire life. Don’t get me wrong, money is essentially vital to our day to day life but we do not work enough so that someday we will still be looking for work again. If thats the case, then we will all get burned out for having to work another day of all the shit days of our life. We have to strive hard working smart enough to make money work for us someday not us working for money anymore (learned from rich dad poor dad of Robert Kiyosaki). Only then, we can experience full length fortune satisfaction. I don’t think I will still have questions like this anymore. All downfalls should be blame on me as well as successes too.